Dogs vs Cats

Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:

8:00 am Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:

Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the
other inmates are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make
my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat
something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt
to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor. Today I decapitated a
mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would
strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am
capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a
"good little hunter" I am. The audacity!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement
was due to the power of "allergies”. I must learn what this means, and
how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an
attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as
he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems
to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! The bird
has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards
regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have
arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe...
for now....



**I don't know who wrote this. It was sent to me via email**

Haphazardkat Update

For those of you who have been wondering.
Yes, I'm still on my diet.
I've lost 25lbs so far.

I have settled into a routine instead of thinking of myself as "on a diet" and have also come to the realization that this is going to take more time then I estimated.

It's amazing to me the change of mindset that has come about. Portions, seems to be the biggest lesson. I can't believe the amount of food that I thought was "normal" to sit down and eat in one sitting. I thought nothing of eating a burger with fries washed down with a diet soda.

One day I went with my co-worker to a burger place for lunch. I decided to give myself a break from the healthy stuff I had been eating and treat myself to a nice, fat burger.

I followed the diet rules of only ordering one item, if deciding to eat out. To skip french fries, onion rings..etc. I felt pretty good about resisting the side of Onion rings and took my burger back to my desk at work.

The burger was huge and sinfully delicious. Afterwards I googled the burger place and looked up what the calories were for that burger so I could decide what to eat for dinner (based on the calories I had just consumed). I felt my heart stop at the details that flashed up on my screen.

950 calories
65 fat grams

Holy Fatness!! I felt instantly sick. That was an entire days worth of calories!

So, yeah. I won't be going there again. It just stripped the joy of consuming that burger right out of me.

My weight plateaued for almost a month after I lost the first 20lbs. I started to get frustrated and down hearted that maybe this "diet" was only good for the initial weight loss and then, nothing. But, I started really looking at the amount of calories I was eating a day and was surprised to discover I was under eating. I was eating, on most days, 5-600 calories. Not enough.

I took myself off the diet and started eating regular meals. I went out a few times during my diet break and ate restaurant food. I quickly became frustrated at the amount of food served me. I was going out to eat with my guy who generously paid for the meals so I felt obligated to not waste the food...but it was so MUCH!

Therein is a dilemma. People who diet end up sounding like food zealots. I know this is annoying to listen to so I have tried to temper my own food rants. But, when given a full meal at a restaurant, how do you not come off like a zealot? The person eating with you doesn't want to see you portion off your food into a to go box, it makes them feel uncomfortable while they eat their own meal. They also feel uncomfortable if you only order a cup of soup or small appetizer. (fortunately my guy is very supportive and truly understands my war against being fat)

So, what does one do?

I've come to some conclusions.

1. I won't eat out with anyone who will push me to eat a full meal so they don't feel uncomfortable eating their meal.
2. I need to look upon eating the wrong foods as if it were an alcoholic drink given to an alcoholic. I know when ordering a personal pizza or burger and fries that I'm not going to stop at the amount I should be eating. Which is about one quarter of that burger and fries or personal pizza.

It's literally a war. You fight not only your own habits but also the habits others want to impose on you so they can feel comfortable. I know. I've been on the other side of the Diet Zealot and have been the one rolling my eyes at them.

A war against your own bad habits is a very personal thing. It's not about anyone else. Believe me, it's exhausting enough battling my own evil inner voices, I'm not in the least concerned about what another person is or isn't eating.

After the 2 week break from my "diet" I am now back on it and amazingly, I didn't gain 1 pound while off it and the scale has once again starting moving downward.

The battle continues.

Two Claws Up!

I watched the movie "The Departed" last night. (apparently during the same time it was winning awards for Best Director and Best Film at the Academy Awards)



A most excellent film! It was very involved so if you haven't watched it yet, do not plan on multi tasking while viewing the movie or you'll miss important facts.

I've always loved Leonardo Dicaprio since he played the mentally challenged boy in "What's Eating Gilbert Grape".



And of course, who doesn't love Jack Nicholson?




Matt Damon played his slick, smart, devious self. He's intelligent in that he stays in the roles that match his persona. I can't imagine him being able to ever pull off a scruffy punk villain role.



Alec Baldwin was good. He down played his usually larger then life over the top acting image. He played a strong backup character.



Martin Sheen was good as the Captain. Has he ever acted in anything that's bombed??



Mark Wahlberg aka Markie Mark was (surprisingly)superb as a loud mouth arrogant Sergeant.



There were many more well known actors that played small parts in the movie. Too many to remember and also to list. If you haven't seen this movie yet, I would highly recommend you do so!
**************************************

On a side note. I had to post this picture of Jodi Foster on the Red Carpet at the Academy Awards. Has she EVER looked BETTER?!!

MiniWarrior~ism

Driving to his dental appointment early Saturday morning...

"Mom, did you know that some kid's Mom's die when they are young?"

"Yes, Son."

"That's sad, huh?"

"Yes it is. But you don't have to worry because Mom's going to be around for a long long time."

"I hope so, Mom. But...if you aren't then you'll be in Heaven and when you're in Heaven then you'll be in my heart. That way you'll always be with me, right?"

"Always, Son. Forever and Ever."

"Yeah. You're not in Heaven now so you're in my Love Heart."

"You're in my Love Heart too, MiniWarrior."

ACK! I'm Sorry!!

To all the Spaces bloggers whom I've attempted to leave comments on...I'm sorry!
For some crazy reason it is leaving MULTIPLE copies of my comments to you.
I swear, I'm only hitting ENTER, once!

Daily *Lickable*

Went and saw Daniel Craig in Casino Royale 007 last night (for the second time).



He's just so...mmm mmmm mmm...LICKABLE!

HELP! Invasion of my youth snatcher!

Yesterday after work I built a fire in my fireplace, fixed myself some snackage, nestled with my pillow and blankie on the sofa and prepared to zombie myself in with a marathon of TV watching.

3 hours later I awoke, the fire was dead, my pillow damp from drool and there was cat hair in my snackage.

Remember when we were kids and couldn't WAIT to become an Adult????

We were so majorally ripped off with that wish request.

Where's the complaint department? I want my youth back!!

MiniWarrior~ism

Every Friday I take MiniWarrior to the local pool to go swimming.
Changing from his sweatpants into his swim shorts he paused to stare at the lint clinging to his legs from the sweatpants.

"Mom, look at my legs! What IS that?"

I opened my mouth to answer when he blurted out...

"Oh wait! I know. It's pant crumbs!"

Resolution Number 3,254,000

Thou shall not try to sledge hammer another person into your idea of what you want for the future.

They either want the same future or they don't.

Anyone wanna buy a antique sledge hammer and a banged up dream?

Fang Update

Thanks to all who wished me well on my Fang appointment.
Good news...no more pain.
Bad news...I lost the fang. Apparently I had split it down the middle and the Dentist could not repair it with a crown.
I now have a gaping hole in the middle of my upper molars.
*sigh*

Nothing makes you feel OLD like a Dentist sitting discussing a partial to replace a missing fang.

Ghost Stories, Continued

In order to relieve my mind from operation "Fix-a-Fang" (scheduled for tomorrow--*gulp*) I thought I'd write about another Ghostly experience from my past.

Shortly after I graduated from College, I went to work as a Nanny to a 3 month old baby girl. It was one of those "gotta get a job to pay for new apartment and necessities like FOOD and GAS", jobs that I ended up staying at for 3 years.

The childs home was located in a prestigious neighborhood of Minnesota. The parents were upwordly moving Yuppies who drove BMW's and filled their white washed double decker house with Wedgewood, Berber carpets and a neurotic Golden Retriever.

Money and affluence, I've learned, does not protect one from tragedy. The Father of the child had lost his little sister in a sledding accident in Switzerland when she was 12. His parents (who lived in a Mansion along side their private lake) had an oil painting of her above their marble fireplace. The child, whom I was a nanny to, resembled the dead sister...eerily so.

When I would put the child down for a mid morning nap, I would often times lay on the sofa located outside her nursery and catch a quick kat nap, myself. I discovered, after my first attempt to kat nap, that I must put the neurotic golden retriever downstairs in the Den or he would pace the kitchen and annoy the heck out of me with the clacking of his toenails on the tile floor.

One such kat nap morning, I had locked neurotic dog downstairs, placing the child gate at the top of the stairs so he couldn't escape, then lay down on the sofa. I turned on my side, facing the sofa back and was just drifting off to sleep when I felt warm breath on my neck followed by a firm nudge on my shoulder blade. I moaned sleepily and told the dog to leave me alone. I lay there for a few seconds then heard a panting and more breath on my neck. I rolled over to admonish the dog for escaping from downstairs and saw...nothing.

No dog.

I swung my legs off the sofa and sat pondering this strangeness, feeling my heartbeat start to speed up. I called out to the dog and heard him whine from the top of the stairs in the kitchen. My palms became sweaty and I crept slowly to the kitchen. The neurotic dog stared at me plaintively from behind the child gate at the top of the stairs.

What had been breathing on me?

What the hell had nudged me?

Strangeness, I tell you. Eerie strangeness.

Fang~Badness

One of my upper molars has a boo boo and I'm terrified to call a Dentist.

*sigh*

The pain is getting so I cannot ignore it any longer. I must ring the dreaded pain bringers and make the appointment.

Sometimes it really sucks being an Adult. I wanna curl up with my Hello Kitty's and make this scary thing go away.

Ghost Stories

Bob, who's wonderful blog is at http://ruserious1947.spaces.live.com, wrote about a Ghost experience he had.

I was going to leave a lengthy comment for him about a couple of my Ghost experiences, then nixed the idea and decided to steal his Blog idea and tell my stories here.
(I might have to join a 12 step blog stealing program after this! lol)

Now, let me start off by saying I am an Agnostic. I have studied many religions in college and throughout the years but I do not hold any set belief in an Afterlife. Thus, the idea of "ghosts" would normally be on my "yeah right" side of beliefs...however...

In the early 90's, I was living in an older house I was renting with my 1st husband. It was a two bedroom house with a full cemented in basement where we kept our office and washer/dryer. My ex often hung out in the basement doing laundry or plinking on the computer. One day I was drying my hair, in the bathroom that was located beside the stairs to the basement, when I heard my Ex calling to me from the basement.

I couldn't quite make out what he was saying, so I turned off the blow dryer so I could hear him better. He was still not talking loud enough for me to distinguish what he was saying, so I yelled down the stairway to him.

"What? What did you say?"

I saw a flash of him walking around the corner of the basement towards the washer/dryer area.

"...mumble, mumble..."

"What? I can't hear you. What do you need?" I called out.

"...mumble, mumble..."

I put my foot on the first step to walk down to the basement when my Ex walked around the corner of the kitchen and stood beside me looking down into the basement.

"Who are you talking to?" He asked, peering down the stairs into the basement.

I wheeled around and looked at him, then looked down at the basement in horror.

"OMG! I thought it was YOU down there talking to me!" I shrieked.

I grabbed him and pushed him in front of me towards the basement. "Go down there and see who that is!"

He went hesitantly downstairs and walked around checking every corner.

Nothing.

No one.

It was a few weeks later that I mentioned this to the old lady who lived next door to us.

"Oh. There was an older man who lived there who committed suicide in the basement." She told me, casually.

...

Yeah. Um. We moved out shortly after that conversation!!!

And the *OINK* Award Goes To...

The *Oinkiest* comment (to date) on the changes my diet has wrought.

"Whoa! What are you...MAN hunting?"

*snort*

That one (I think) tops the comment made to me after I attempted to dye my hair "strawberry blonde" and ended up with Fire Engine RED.

The comment was...

"Whew! Is the sex with your boyfriend better now?"

Comment to Windows Live (Spaces) Bloggers...

Those of you who use Windows Live (Spaces)to blog--I cannot comment on your blogs. :(
I keep getting "technical error" messages.

Fleeting Images of Time

I cracked open a time capsule of my life the other night.

I was given a request for a picture of me past the age of 18 where it showed me smiling at the camera. Hmm. I peeled through sticky backed pages of old albums and chuckled at old High School things that flitted out from the pages, but I found no such picture.

The closest thing I could come up with were pictures of me with a sly half smile.

It is the strangest feeling looking backwards at images of Oneself. My mind remembers the moments those snapshots were taken but it is like looking back on someone Else's life.

I packed up my time capsule and made a note to my inner self. The next time my image is captured on film, I will let down my wall, look into the eye of Time's recorder and smile fully.

This is a happy time of my life and someday when my son peers into my time capsule...I want him to see the true representation of how I felt at this moment in time.

In The Mind of Autism

MiniWarrior is not as diabled in speech as this Autistic lady is in the video. However, he frames his sentences in a collage of pictures so it's confusing at times to what he exactly means.

Once you understand that he sees words in his head as pictures instead of individual alphabetical letters...you suddenly see in to the window of his beautiful mind.

This movie, created by an Autistic adult and translated in the end of the movie by her own words typed into a speech translator program has deeply moved me and made me understand a little bit more the magical being that is, MiniWarrior--my son.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnylM1hI2jc

When I watched this next video, I was reminded of MiniWarrior sitting bravely on the stand in a courtroom being questioned by a Judge to determine if he was competent. If he knew what a truth and a lie was.
He was asked by the Judge, "If I said I was wearing a black robe, would that be a truth or a lie?"

MiniWarrior studied him carefully. He asked politely if he could stand up in order to see the Judge better.

After a few minutes of quiet deliberation, MiniWarrior said, "It would be a lie."

Why did MiniWarrior say this? Because the collar of the Judge's robe was White. So, therefore it was not a BLACK robe. He was not asked to explain. He was referred to by the Defense attorney as retarded and incompetent. The Judge agreed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qn70gPukdtY&NR

I wish I could show this video to the Judge and the (may she rot in hell) defense attorney.