Its That Time Again...

EWO is arriving in my State, my City, my Neighborhood, my Space...tonight.

She is staying (for now) at her friends house.

She did not call me.

She did not write me.

Her friend called to warn me last week.

And her Mexico friend called me (multiple times) to give me jobs to do once EWO arrives.

When will I no longer feel obligated to host this person who filled my childhood with shattered shards of memory that roll around and leave my insides bleeding?

Every day of my life with MiniWarrior and Lord V is filled with kindness and love. Gentleness and laughter.

I've become spoiled, wrapped in their love for me.

And every day it shows me what I missed when I was a small helpless prisoner in her house.

Every day it shows me what could have been. Should have been.

And I struggle not to let the empty space she created inside me fill with hatred.

I push it down by wrapping my arms around my precious son and kissing the freckles that dust his cheeks.

I shove the bitter tide back when I lean against the strong wall of my Lord V and hear the sturdy beat of his heart.

I'm trying.

Trying not to let her neglect and abuse of me win.

But sometimes?

Sometimes I feel broken and wonder if I'll ever repair.