After this last weekend I find myself pacing and feeling sulky.
Ever have one of those weekends where everything you say comes out wrong?
Thursday, my first official day off, I was driving MiniWarrior to school and was joking with him...and made him cry.
Because he is so high functioning I forget (at times) that he is Autistic that he does not understand teasing. At all. At best he gets the most rudimentary jokes that a toddler would understand. For some reason, language humor does not compute.
I know this. Yet I forgot in a temporary moment of levity, trying to make him laugh...I made him cry.
I spent the rest of the day feeling like crap.
Things got better when I went to pick him up from school and he greeted me with a tight hug and a look on his face that said, "I forgive you, Momma."
The next day in another attempt at levity...I managed to piss off my Guy.
We had a relaxing weekend. We took my Man's dog to a doggie restaurant because it was his (dogs) birthday. Very cute. There were all sorts of dogs of various sizes and shapes sniffing and tail wagging around. MiniWarrior was ecstatic. He zoomed around asking people if he could "pet their dog" with a big grin on his face.
The coup de grace for MiniWarriors weekend though, was the show on Discovery channel all about Preying Mantis'. Creepy bastard insects!! I can't believe we had one of those things in our house! Seriously.
We watched a 4 inch Preying Mantis catch a 10 inch Corn Snake.
Yeah you heard me.
Dang thing was chomping away while the snake was frantically writhing trying to escape.
Remember me joking about MiniWarriors Preying Mantis and how would turn its head and look at me like I was its next meal?
That thing really was sizing me up!
All, "Oh yeah. Yer next..." Smacking its lips and rubbing its barbed hands.
Yeah? Well, I've got a size 8 shoe for your pre-meal appetizer, Mr. freaky-ass Mantis!
I miss the good ol' days (last summer) of MiniWarriors last obsession over Lobsters.
At least they knew their place in the circle of life!
For such a angst filled year--personal illness and surgery's, family member illness, house loss, job worries...the year is closing out on a happy note.
For those who've read my blogs--I look upon Fall as the unofficial end of my year and beginning of a new one.
I don't know what the future holds. But right now, in this moment of time, I am happy.
My world is filled with gentleness and love. I used to be a loner. Someone who had to have an avenue of escape from everyone. I am social and love social situations, but I had to have that place where I could escape from it all.
Now, when I walk into the place where I reside, I am greeted by my little family and I feel something strange inside me. A feeling of belonging. A feeling of "coming home" and it fills my insides like a soft oil, warming me.
I don't know how long this will last. Life has taught me that there are no guarantee's.
But...as this year ends for me and a new one begins? I'm going to embrace this happiness, toss fear aside and allow myself to rest. To drink in this happy moment in time. It's too precious to waste on the "what ifs" that haunt us in the shadows of the night.
Updated: 12:21 p.m. PT Sept 13, 2007 PHILADELPHIA - An Amish community that lost five girls in a Pennsylvania schoolhouse shooting massacre last year has donated money to the widow of the gunman, the community said Wednesday.
The Nickel Mines Accountability Committee, which was set up to handle more than $4.3 million in donations from around the world after the shootings, said it had given an unspecified "contribution" to Marie Roberts, a mother of three.
Her husband, Charles Carl Roberts, a local milk truck driver who was not Amish, tied up and shot 10 Amish schoolgirls aged 6 to 14 in their classroom last Oct. 2, killing five of them before turning the gun on himself.
After the shootings, members of the deeply religious Amish community in Lancaster County about 60 miles west of Philadelphia, said they wanted to forgive the gunman.
In a statement released on behalf of the community, the committee said, "Many from Nickel Mines have pointed out that forgiveness is a journey, that you need help from your community of faith and from God ... to make and hold on to a decision not to become a hostage to hostility.
"It is understood that hostility destroys community," it said.
The Amish, descendants of Swiss-German settlers, eschew many aspects of modern life such as cars and telephones, and place particular importance on the principle of forgiveness.
Four of the five wounded girls have been in school since last December, and two have missed some school for rehabilitative therapy, the committee said.
The most seriously wounded survivor, Rosanna King, is confined to a reclining wheelchair, unable to talk or feed herself. But her parents said in the statement she smiled a lot and seemed to have good vision and hearing.
A new school built a short distance from the site of the old one — which was demolished — is expected to be closed on the anniversary of the shootings but no memorial events are planned, the statement said.
"To the casual observer, life goes on in Nickel Mines," the statement said. "But for the families each day brings with it the pain, grief and questions that remind them of their loss."
Thursday I took MiniWarrior to his favorite restaurant, IHOP. Why is it his favorite restaurant you ask?
Because along side the building there are bushes that grasshoppers like. Mm Hmm...grasshoppers--IHOP--We giggle at the irony of that, often. :D
So as I was saying...we went to IHOP with bug catcher in hand and after much crawling and kicking of bushes we captured 4 new grasshoppers for MiniWarriors Habitat.
MiniWarrior was estatic. We hunkered over his habitat and carefully guided (thunked,wedged, flicked...) the grasshoppers through the small opening and into the Habitat.
We added some leaves from the IHOP bushes and lay on our tummy's watching the grasshoppers hop around inside the Habitat. The one legged grasshopper that had been in the Habitat for about 2 weeks, promptly started scarfing on the fresh leaves.
The Preying Mantis, which had been in the Habitat for the past month was suddenly very active. Climbing leaves, turning his head left and right watching all the new activity.
"Mom, what do Preying Mantis' eat?" MiniWarrior asked, tapping at the side of the Habitat to watch a grasshopper jump.
"Hmm. I think leaves and flies." I answered, naively.
I grew tired of laying on the floor watching the grasshoppers jump around in the Habitat and headed downstairs.
I was in mid game, hacking bad dudes on level 6 of Frumps Misfortune: Dungeon Runners, when I heard MiniWarrior scream and begin banging things upstairs.
I paused my game and lumbered back upstairs to see what the hubbub was about.
"He's eating my grasshopper!" MiniWarrior sobbed, pointing an accusatory finger at his Habitat.
"The Preying Mantis is eating my grasshopper!"
"No. Really? Maybe he's just hugging him?
"NO! He's eating him! Make him stop!"
I hunkered down and peered into the Habitat.
Mr. Mantis was laying on his side in the leaves and had his arms wrapped around a flayling upside down grasshopper...and was happily noshing on his head.
"Ewwwww! He is eating him!"
"M...m...make him stop!"
"I can't, Hun. He's obviously been starving in your Habitat and needs to eat."
MiniWarrior is consumed with his bug and rubber snake collection.
He spends many hours chanting questions at me. Yes. Chanting.
He starts at the top of his mental list and runs down it, grilling me with single minded ruthlessness that would make a KGB agent quail.
How big is a preying mantis?
Or this big?
How big do grasshoppers get?
What do grasshoppers eat?
Do you like grasshoppers?
What color of grasshoppers do you like?
Brown or green?
How come you like the green ones?
Once the bug list/grilling is through he slides open the snake list.
Sifting through his basket of rubber snakes he holds up his favorite brown one.
Is this a rattlesnake? Mm hmm. Could be.
Or is it a grass snake?
Mmm hmm. Could be.
Is it a Cobra?
Mmm hmm. Could be.
How about an Anaconda?
Mmm hmm. Could be.
Is it a Trouser snake?
Mm hmm. Could be.
MiniWarrior held his finger on his mental list and waited patiently for me to answer.
I thumbed through the mental Mom handbook. crap crap crap! There's no chapter for Trouser snakes! Uh...think think...he's too young to tell him what that means...um crap...if I don't tell him he's gonna ask his teacher...crap!