Monday, November 07, 2011

Time Frozen

Today I went to her little home.
The world was frozen in time while I walked amongst her things.
Schedule reminders. An unfinished book.
Her glasses lay amongst her notes on her desk.
And pictures...in every crevice. Of her home in Holland. Us kids growing up.
Silly nicknacks.
The only sound while I walked around in what had been her life--was the ticking of her kitchen clock.
I stared at it angrily. How dare it keep ticking after her heartbeat had stopped.
The memory of stroking her face before the funeral man took her away was still brutally etched in my mind.

I found notes to us kids. One in a pretty chest by her kitchen willing it to me.
"To (me), the best daughter a mom could ever have"

I felt my insides tremble--my inner batteries faulter as my strength waned.

Lord V called softly to me to stop. To let it go for today.

To recharge.

So I did. And I am. Recharging--to begin again tomorrow.

7 comments:

Laoch of Chicago said...

You've had a shock and an emotional trauma. Go easy with yourself.

The Darker Side said...

*plunks large dragon backside down next to you.
What Laoch said.
<3

Haphazardkat said...

Laoch: I am better this morning after the much needed recharge.

Dragonlady: *sighs* and curls under the wing of the sweet dragon.

Anonymous said...

I dont have comforting words like I wish I did, but count me as a friend here for you. I have been where you are now. There really are no words.
kathleen

Peaceful said...

rubs your shoulders and gives you a hug...
it feels very strange going through their things, but sometimes they show you items they would like for you to have...

Cindy said...

I remember doing and feeling the same things....It's a hard thing but I am glad you are not alone. (((hugs)))

Haphazardkat said...

Kathleen: Thank you. It does help to know others have gone through this and have made it through.

Jadey: She had labeled everything with our names on it. I think she knew her time was close. That just makes me so terribly sad. It is ironic though...the few things I decided to keep for myself...I found a note after I had chosen them...and it said "...(such and such) goes to my daughter and (such and such)..." it listed the exact items i had picked out! She knew me well :)

Cindy: I know from reading your blog that the loss of your Mom is still fresh. I'm sorry, Sweetie. It is terribly hard. *hugsss*