Monday, March 23, 2009

Is It Wrong To Want More?

I was given a project to work on when I was in High School so many, many years ago.

I was to create a scrapbook of what I wished for in my future.

I can't remember what I put in my scrapbook. I can only remember my disgust at the responses of the majority of the girls in my class.

They filled their books with ring sizes, house sizes, X amount of children, location of home and what colors their weddings would be.

I remember thinking "That's it? That's all you want?"

Now that I'm older I hear the same sort of talk from my peers.

They seem content with the idea of working til retirement, having a couple of grand kids and then fading off into nonexistence when they are in their 90's.

Again I find myself saying, "That's it? That's all you want?"

And...again...my scrapbook is blank.

I don't have any ideas of what it is I want...I just know...I want more.

I feel guilty uttering those words.

Guilty for there are many who do not have the wonderful things I have been given.

Guilty for having good health when there are those dear to me who are fighting for their very lives.

And yet, something still cries inside me.

I don't want to be content with working til I retire, having a grand kid and then fading away when I'm old.

I want to leave something of myself behind.

I want to mark this earth with an image created by my hand that says

Kat was here

I want

More.

Is that wrong?

5 comments:

Aafrica said...

funny you mention this. when i was still in grad school a little while ago, there was a fellow student who was a retired military guy. he was there, i figured, just to stay out of his wife's way.

one day i turned 30. and i exclaimed "God i'm 30. but i don't know what i want to do with my life." the military guy looked at me and said "i'm 60 and i still don't know want i want to do with my life."

i have exact feeling you do. there got to be more than just home-work-home-retire.

let me know when you figure this out.

Laoch of Chicago said...

You are not wrong.

Peaceful said...

I have decided that this "make your mark" way of thinking is a mistake. I am starting to think that there isn't an answer to what "to do" because we ARE doing.
(I am not talking about those people in a job they hate & living above their means.)
To me it is your spirit talking when 'stuff' wont satisfy...it is restless--like mine is. They say to think of something you love &
then find out how to incorporate helping others into the mix.
I know very well the guilt thing-I am not as handicapped,deserving, as the next person so I don't deserve(fill in the blank) I think that comes from having an unloving mother-so we aren't deserving of things like satisfaction, happiness...

Haphazardkat said...

Aafrica: It makes me feel less alone that others feel this way :)

Laochie: your affirmation makes me smile.

Jadey: Part of me realizes your answer is probably the truth--but I still crave...
*sigh*

The Darker Side said...

It is never wrong to want more. That want is what drives us to do more and to be better... its a part of growing.... setting goals - and then achieving them.
BUT
Always rejoice in what you have!
Don't let the drive for more for better make you UNSATISFIED with what you DO have!

Dragon