So yeah, I've spent the last week moping around questioning the futility of humanities exhausting grind through life.
I realize this is a natural process of grieving. The minds shock of a life and all it entails suddenly "gone".
I wish I had answers as to what is on the other side of life. That mysterious place where we go when we leave this world.
Unfortunately, all my religious studies in college answered nothing for me, thus my Agnostic stance.
The world, as I knew it, before my friends death has changed. I look at familiar things and they have taken on a strangeness.
There is a hollowness inside me. An empty spot that was reserved for Mikey.
I find myself talking to him. Asking him to let me know he's OK. That I understand he is busy with watching over his family and, I'm sure, the shock of no longer being part of this earth...but to please, let me know there is more then this life.
More then the daily grind that ends in...
So yeah. I'm in the state of what psychologists would label as "grieving".
Grieving. Such a small word for a flood of feeling.
I don't have any answers. No guide book to life and the here-after. I just know that my friend was once here, laughing with me, grousing with me about work, pondering life and family and struggling to answer his grandsons billionth "WHY, Grandpa" question...and now he isn't.
He isn't here.
And I am.
All that makes up life continues and I watch my right foot follow my left as I move forward. Ever forward, because that's what we do.
We laugh and cry. Fight and embrace. Eat and sleep. Ponder and Dream...
We live. Until...we don't.
There is no other solution. No other recipe we can follow.
I took an extra moment this weekend to stroke the soft skin on my sons cheek, tracing the line of freckles that dance across his nose.
I played his favorite game of frogs with him and revelled in the sound of his laughter.
I let him have that extra half cup of coffee.
I baked cinnamon twists for my little family to enjoy with their Saturday morning coffee because it filled the house with the happy smell of home.
I walked and picked wild flowers, arranging them in a vase with some roses that grow along side our house.
I curled up on the sofa in the living room and shared the afternoon silence with Lord V as we read our books.
And today friends are coming over for a BBQ.
There will be laughter and feasting and shared life experiences.
And that's what it's all about.
6 years ago