Haphazardkat Update

For those of you who have been wondering.
Yes, I'm still on my diet.
I've lost 25lbs so far.

I have settled into a routine instead of thinking of myself as "on a diet" and have also come to the realization that this is going to take more time then I estimated.

It's amazing to me the change of mindset that has come about. Portions, seems to be the biggest lesson. I can't believe the amount of food that I thought was "normal" to sit down and eat in one sitting. I thought nothing of eating a burger with fries washed down with a diet soda.

One day I went with my co-worker to a burger place for lunch. I decided to give myself a break from the healthy stuff I had been eating and treat myself to a nice, fat burger.

I followed the diet rules of only ordering one item, if deciding to eat out. To skip french fries, onion rings..etc. I felt pretty good about resisting the side of Onion rings and took my burger back to my desk at work.

The burger was huge and sinfully delicious. Afterwards I googled the burger place and looked up what the calories were for that burger so I could decide what to eat for dinner (based on the calories I had just consumed). I felt my heart stop at the details that flashed up on my screen.

950 calories
65 fat grams

Holy Fatness!! I felt instantly sick. That was an entire days worth of calories!

So, yeah. I won't be going there again. It just stripped the joy of consuming that burger right out of me.

My weight plateaued for almost a month after I lost the first 20lbs. I started to get frustrated and down hearted that maybe this "diet" was only good for the initial weight loss and then, nothing. But, I started really looking at the amount of calories I was eating a day and was surprised to discover I was under eating. I was eating, on most days, 5-600 calories. Not enough.

I took myself off the diet and started eating regular meals. I went out a few times during my diet break and ate restaurant food. I quickly became frustrated at the amount of food served me. I was going out to eat with my guy who generously paid for the meals so I felt obligated to not waste the food...but it was so MUCH!

Therein is a dilemma. People who diet end up sounding like food zealots. I know this is annoying to listen to so I have tried to temper my own food rants. But, when given a full meal at a restaurant, how do you not come off like a zealot? The person eating with you doesn't want to see you portion off your food into a to go box, it makes them feel uncomfortable while they eat their own meal. They also feel uncomfortable if you only order a cup of soup or small appetizer. (fortunately my guy is very supportive and truly understands my war against being fat)

So, what does one do?

I've come to some conclusions.

1. I won't eat out with anyone who will push me to eat a full meal so they don't feel uncomfortable eating their meal.
2. I need to look upon eating the wrong foods as if it were an alcoholic drink given to an alcoholic. I know when ordering a personal pizza or burger and fries that I'm not going to stop at the amount I should be eating. Which is about one quarter of that burger and fries or personal pizza.

It's literally a war. You fight not only your own habits but also the habits others want to impose on you so they can feel comfortable. I know. I've been on the other side of the Diet Zealot and have been the one rolling my eyes at them.

A war against your own bad habits is a very personal thing. It's not about anyone else. Believe me, it's exhausting enough battling my own evil inner voices, I'm not in the least concerned about what another person is or isn't eating.

After the 2 week break from my "diet" I am now back on it and amazingly, I didn't gain 1 pound while off it and the scale has once again starting moving downward.

The battle continues.