8:00 am Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:
Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the
other inmates are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make
my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat
something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt
to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor. Today I decapitated a
mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would
strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am
capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a
"good little hunter" I am. The audacity!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement
was due to the power of "allergies”. I must learn what this means, and
how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an
attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as
he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems
to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! The bird
has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards
regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have
arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe...
for now....
**I don't know who wrote this. It was sent to me via email**
9 comments:
This is Theresa.
This is hilarious!
Addenda to cat's daily journal: Taunt dog into chasing me while I twist and turn to navigate the corners of the laundray basket, tv dinner trays, etc. to encourage dog to pursue me knowing that dog is not nearly as agile as I am and will knock the laundry basket, tv dinner trays, etc. down so that when my captors return, dog will get in trouble!
Theresa: Ha ha ha ha!!! Love it! :D
I think I am secretly a dog.
hahahaha!! it reminds me a sign i once saw: Dogs think they are humans; cats think they are gods.
Jay: Dogs are cool ;)
Bob: I wouldn't be surprised if you did!!! :D
Aafrica: too true!
That photo is brilliant.
And I think I might be a dog, too, with catlike tendencies.
I know my cats dream about freah meat, but if I give them anything other than ground up wet food as a treat (no flakes, no fancy dinner) they end up puking all over the house. ewwww. And I end up pretending like it didn't happen so Dave will find it first and have to clean it up.
Kay: As a non cat lover--how hard was that for you to admit? :D
ksgrrl: LMAO @ making Dave clean it up! I feed Guido-the-cat friskies but give him a soft clump of canned food in the morning and night. He starts eyeballing my juglar with slitted eyes if he doesn't get his two clumps a day :|
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