Is this what aging does?
All my life I spurned the path of the masses.
I was the lone pink Pansy in a field of orange Posies.
Now I look upon the well worn spurned path and look back on the rocky one I've been tromping on and find myself asking, "Why do I always choose the most difficult path?"
The answer, I believe, is two-fold.
1. I am a natural rebel. It's a knee jerk reaction to say YING when others say YANG.
2. I stopped believing in happy endings so I compromise to try and glean bits of happiness along the way.
Family things have occurred this week that have me re-evaluating the path I've been stumbling on with my life.
When I lost my Father, five years ago, I was hit with the knowledge that life passes in blinding speed. That you can spend your whole life living in fear of "what ifs" that only serve to rob you of joy you could be living with in the present.
This past week I have been made aware once again on how quickly life moves. How quickly things can change and how fast people we love can be lost to us.
It has become unbearable to me to continue as I have. Always choosing the most difficult path. Always compromising and trying to convince myself that tiny pieces of happiness that come from compromise is enough.
I've compromised my whole life because I never expected nor demanded more and I'm tired of it, Folks. Exhausted, fed up, dog worn beat.
7 comments:
It's true, I think. Most of us live as if our lives couldn't instantly change, as if something either terrible or wonderful couldn't happen at any moment, and we forget how important it is to make what we can of this little bit of time that we have.
I hope this next portion of your life will be filled with serenity.
I also have compromised my soul.
May you find the flame to give your soul the strength to move, and perhaps to fly.
Loofa: It's difficult to remain focused on the deeper truth of life when one is busy with the tiny details required to live it.
Laoch: Thank you. Serenity sounds nice.
Jadey: We are survivors, you and I. I wish more for us.
i'm so sorry to hear about all these troubles you had to put up with. i feel for you, that burned out feeling.
i hope that cat comes with rechargeable battery.
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