*ring ring ring ring*
Insane Mother: H..Hello?
Me: Hi Mom
Insane Mother: Oh. I knew you'd call me.
Me: How's things?
Insane Mother: Ohhh. *heavy sigh that would run neck and neck with a Jewish mothers guilt fest* I was sitting here, lonely.
Insane Mother: I was thinking on Jesus hanging on the cross with his disciples who were supposed to keep him company, sleeping at his feet.
Me: *grind of my teeth* Wow, Mom. That's pretty heavy thinking (I'm SO having you committed) for this hour of the morning...
Insane Mother: *Extended heavy sigh* Well yes, it is my life you know.
Me: I'm at work. I'll be home this afternoon. Watch TV or something. I left you a book...
Insane Mother: Your TV is too big. I'm afraid I'll electrocute myself.
Me: ...one should be so lucky...
Insane Mother: What? I can't hear you. Speak up!
Me: I said I'll be home soon. I'll turn it on for you then.
Insane Mother: Yes, then you can find me a nice Christian station to watch.
Me: ...oh help me god...
Insane Mother: What's that? I can't hear you!
...
Seriously. God? Buddha? Mohammad? Anyone?
HELP. ME.
8 comments:
I waited to comment because I KNEW there would be more!! HA! I think you may be my sister because we obviously share the same Mom!! A MONTH??? Maybe you can fake a rare contagious disease or something! At any rate, GOOD LUCK!!!
PS: I'll be checking in to make sure you haven't taken your own life, or hers!!! (Electrecution by TV??? HAHAHA!!!!
i so feel for you Kat. ... well, maybe not. my mother was brought up by the communists so is more or less atheist. but she is full of self-pity nontheless. i can sent her up your way so the two of them can keep each other company and have a competition!
now my father is here, mother who is at home in Hong Kong, calls all the time! as if she is afraid we are having too grand a time and forget about her. *sigh* i miss the good ol time when phone calls were expensive!
please don't end up insane, we need you here in the blogland.
Bob: She's making plans to go visit a friend so it sounds like I'll be getting some relief from her at some point...
No suicide or homicide plans (yet).
I'll keep you posted ;)
Oh and I do have a contagious disease. Its called: AntiMotherinflamitory disease :P
Aafrica: I don't think the universe can handle two such mothers sharing the same house!!!
I must press for Hello Kitty therapy to keep me sane this month. Yes. Hmm...More pinkness. Much happiness!
A most excellent plan >:)
A good chardonnay will help until God, Buddha, or Mohammad answers.
Mei Lian: Amen! Bring on the holy grape!
Oh good gracious...you have to live with this for a month?
Just for the record, there's nothing fancy here, but it's mother-free, so when you can't stand it anymore, just get in your car and drive!!
This is very grave. The only thing left to do is to buy the Greatest hits of Black Sabbath. Turn the CD player volume to 10, set the repeat button, and press play.
Within an hour mom will be headed back where she belongs.
Jay: Excellent idea! Keep a look out for a plump, strawberry haired woman with wild eyes driving around muttering insanely to herself!
Laoch: I read your comment to one of my friends--we died laughing!!!!! She's digging through her Black Sabbath Cd's as I type this...LOL!!
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