Project Grrrr: Part 3

Home again, I marched into my garage armed with the new 26 1. 3/8 "by GOD these better FIT tires" and stood before my upside down, one wheeled bike.

I slit my eyes Clint Eastwood style and planted my feet in a fighters stance. It stared back at me with its one wheeled belly up glare.

Ripping open the first cardboard box the acrid scent of rubber wafted around me as I reached in and pulled the 26 1. 3/8 tire free.

"Oh yeah, baby. It's on now."

I circled the naked wheel rim that lay mocking me on the garage floor. Shaking out the rubber tire I bent down and gripped the errant wheel. The 26 1. 3/8's rubber circled and embraced the naked steel rim like a lover come home from war.

"Yes!"

I did a little victory dance around the newly covered wheel then slid it into its place on the bike frame and tightened the bolts.

Next, the back wheel. Much trickery maneuvering it around the chain and gear wire thingie but, WALLA! Success!

I skipped over to my bike pump and filled the back tire with air.

Pump. Pump. Pump. Pump. Pump. Pump...WOO! Look at that! I did it!

I danced over to the front wheel and connected the bike pump to the wheel air thingie.

Pump. Pump. Pump. Pump. Pump. Pump...

Hmm.

PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP *pant pant* PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP...

What the %$#!??? Why wasn't it filling with AIR?!

I stared down at the tire in dawning horror.

No no no NO NOOOOO!!

My new tire. Had. A. Flat.

I flung myself to the garage floor in a hissy fit that would have done a 3 year old proud.

"It's just not FAIR!" I howled.

They say one can learn something from any bad experience. My discovery was that there's a reason people my age don't fling themselves down in hissy fits. Cold cement is damn hard on the ol' hips!

I peeled myself from the garage floor rubbing my aching bones then *sighed* and tackled the bolts holding the front wheel to the bike and yanked the tire free.

Tire remover thingies in hand I YANKED *cursed* PULLED *cursed* WRENCHED *cursed* TUGGED *cursed* YANKED PULLED WRENCHED TUGGED and *CUUUUUUUUUURSED*! Finally pulling the new tire from the wheel rim.

The Bike tool thingie had come with patch thingies. So. After locating the hole the size of a small moon on the inner tube, I glued a patch thingie over it.

Dang! I'm pretty good at this! I sat admiring my patch job for a bit then pumped some air into the tube to check it.

I held my breath and waited poking and prodding at the semi limp tube laying beside me.

It held! "Ha ha ha! Take THAT!" I yelled out loud.

30 minutes later after wrestling the rubber tire back on to the naked wheel rim and rebolting it to the bike frame, I stood over my bike and sighed with relief.

Done!

Sliding the air pump thingie onto the wheel valve I pumped.

Pump. Pump. Pump. Pump. Pump. *prod prod, squish prod*

Yes!

I unhooked the air pump thingie and gave the tire a victorious pat.

Huh.

Did that just feel a little flatter?

I bent down and squished the tire in my hand.

What??

I squished harder and felt the metal rim underneath the now FLAT tire.

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo!!!!!

I slumped. Tasting the bitter taste of bicycle grease and defeat.

I swear I heard a faint metallic laugh as I sulked out of the garage and into my house for the night.

I paused at the sound and straightened my exhausted shoulders.

"Oh I'll be back. I'll be back!" I snarled at the bike shadow lurking in the dark of the garage.

I gripped my aching back and hobbled into the house, slamming the door shut behind me.