Project Grrrr: Part 4

Tuesday I attended a security class all day in Hillsboro. It's a long drive,the roads filled with crazy people who I cannot fathom HOW they passed the drivers test.

I stopped at Target on the way home to purchase a new inner tube for the EVIL metallic THING that resides in my garage. I figured I'd try Target this time and avoid Walmart. Changing fate, shuffling things up like a card dealer at a Black Jack table.

Uh huh.

I stood before the plethora of bike crap and hunted for a 26 1. 3/8's size tube.
Plenty of 26's...but no 26 1. 3/8's.

*Sigh* Things just couldn't be easy...could they? I rolled a glare up towards the cosmos where the bastard Murphy dwelled.

"Laugh it up, you schmuck. LAUGH it up."

I fingered a can of "fix a flat"...should I? Wouldn't that be like letting the Evil garage dweller win?

Hmm.

I left the can hanging and walked away.

I couldn't find it within myself to go back to Walmart. I just couldn't. I stood for a moment and ran the local stores through my brains Mapquest. Home Depot? No. I don't think they have tires. Linen and Things? *snort* yeah right.

"Toys R Us!" I said out loud, startling a woman walking by. She gripped her child closer to her and edged around me giving me the stranger danger stare. I met her look with a disinterested *sniff* and headed to the checkout counter, superciliously smoothing a hand over my hair.

Scuttling across the parking lot through a Spring downpour I clambered into my truck and headed over to Toys R Us.

One again I found myself staring at a plethora of bike crap and found no size 26 1. 3/8's tube.

A Walmart trip loomed before me. I eyeballed a green tube of "fix a flat" and felt my hands twitch.

"I can't. I won't!" I muttered to the traitorous tube of goop.

It stared back at me and whispered, "Walmart".

I flinched.

"But you don't understand!" I whined. "If I use you, the Evil garage dweller will win!"

"Waaaaaaalmarrrrt" it hissed back at me.

"Oh Jesus help me..." I looked left and right hunching my shoulders in fervent guilt and snatched the green tube of goop off the shelf.

"Can I help you?"

"Wha..?!" Startled, I dropped the goop, instinctively shoving my hands in my pockets.

"Can I help you, Ma'am."

I rolled my eyes sideways and spied young man decked in a Toys R Us apron standing beside me then rolled them down as he bent and picked up the green tube of goop off the floor; then back up as he stood and held the traitorous object out to me.

"Is this what you wanted?" He asked.

"Er. Um. Well I..I.. was just looking, I wasn't really going to USE it." I stammered.

"Got a flat, do you?" He said, leaning back on his heels in the manly stance men automatically assume when a hood of a car is popped.

I slumped and sighed. "Yes. Yes I do."

"Yeah those can be tricky." He said, nodding his head sagely.

I nodded, numbly and slid a sneak look at the green tube in his hand.

He caught my look and held out the tube to me. "You should try this. It's real easy and works real good."

I felt my brain freeze at the word "easy" and snapped it out of his hand.

"I'll take it!"

I crab shuffled past him in the aisle and headed towards the teller.

Plunking the tube defiantly on the counter I faced the clerk with eyes that dared her to judge me.

"Phone number?"

"Wha..? Uh. No. I don't give that out."

"Do you need batteries?"

"What? Batteries?" I stared at her blankly.

"Would you be wanting to buy some batteries today." She muttered in monotone saleswoman speak.

"Uh. No. No. Don't need them."

"Would you care to donate a dollar to the Autism fund?"

"My son is Autistic. I donate enough raising him." I quipped, smiling at her.

She stared at me, lips puckered into a prune shape. Unamused.

"It's a great thing you're doing though." I said smiling gamely into her prune face of unamusement.

"$6.25"

"Er. What?" I blinked and stared at her.

" Six Twenty Five " She spelled out to me in "the customer is an idiot, must speak slowly to her" speak.

"Oh. OH!" I fumbled with my wallet and lay the money in her outstretched hand, snatched up the tube of shame and scurried out the door.

Once home, I avoided the garage and headed inside the house. Tonight, I was going to relax. I would continue the war with the Evil Garage Dweller tomorrow.

I curled up in my recliner and flicked on the T.V.

I slid a look at the Green tube of goop sitting on my kitchen counter.

"No. I won't. Not tonight." I muttered, turning determinedly to the T.V.

Tuesday night. Crap. Nothing on. I tossed. I turned. I slid a look at the goop.

Tuesday night! Garbage night. Gotta go put out the trash.

I gathered bags and recycling and headed to the garage. I grabbed the goop bottle off the counter and into my pocket. Might as well take it out to the garage for tomorrow...

Two hours later, garbage strewn around me, back aching, fingers glued together with green goop, I sat on the floor beside the Evil Garage Dweller and cursed.

The %$#! tire was STILL flat only now it was filled with green CRAP!

"Son of a...!!!!"

...the war...continues.