Saturday, March 31, 2007

Wrinkle Free Weekend!

She's leaving to go stay at her friends house today. *eyes the clock* 1 more hour and I'll drive her there!


Miniwarrior and I are heading to the Movies to see TNMT (teenage mutant ninja turtles) at Noon. We are going to sit in the dark, chomp junkfood, and celebrate our freedom from the Evil Wrinkled One!!


Friday, March 30, 2007

Cracked Fangs and Evil Wrinkledness

I went to the Dentist yesterday and...lost another Fang. This time it was the fang on the opposite side of my (upper) mouth.

The Dentist says I've cracked my fangs from grinding them.

"Do you have stress in your life?"

I slid a look to the 80 year old sack of evil wrinkledness lurking in the Dentists waiting room and clamped down on my fangs.

*grind grind* OW!

The Dentist looked towards the waiting room then patted my head.

Mr. Dentist is a Sadistic SmartAss. *sniffs a proud tear* I love that man!
At one point he had wedged something called a "Raincoat" into my mouth. (not that kind of raincoat you sicko's! Tsk.)
It was a strip of blue plastic that he clamped to my other fang to keep my bad Fang dry while he worked on it.

My mouth was all stretched to hell. I had a gas mask clamped to my nose (YAY noxide gas!!!) and huge sunglasses wedged over my eyes.
He paused mid work, chuckled evily and said,"Wow, you look Beautiful!" Then went back to attempting to shove his entire fist inside my mouth. I rolled an eyeball towards a sharp dental pic and slid an evil look to him.
He just laughed--but edged the dental tray outta my reach with a quick push of his foot.


I escorted my Insane Mother around for the rest of the day then made it home just in time for MiniWarrior's schoolbus.

Exhausted, laying on my sofa, nursing my Fangless hole, Insane Mother flopped down by me and said,

"Isn't it WONDERFUL? You have two more days off from work! What shall we do tomorrow?!"

...*grind grind grind*...

"I gotta wash that evil wrinkledness right outta my hair..."

photo brought to you by

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Insanity Claws

Calling my Mother at my house this morning:

*ring ring ring ring*

Insane Mother: H..Hello?

Me: Hi Mom

Insane Mother: Oh. I knew you'd call me.

Me: How's things?

Insane Mother: Ohhh. *heavy sigh that would run neck and neck with a Jewish mothers guilt fest* I was sitting here, lonely.

Insane Mother: I was thinking on Jesus hanging on the cross with his disciples who were supposed to keep him company, sleeping at his feet.

Me: *grind of my teeth* Wow, Mom. That's pretty heavy thinking (I'm SO having you committed) for this hour of the morning...

Insane Mother: *Extended heavy sigh* Well yes, it is my life you know.

Me: I'm at work. I'll be home this afternoon. Watch TV or something. I left you a book...

Insane Mother: Your TV is too big. I'm afraid I'll electrocute myself.

Me: should be so lucky...

Insane Mother: What? I can't hear you. Speak up!

Me: I said I'll be home soon. I'll turn it on for you then.

Insane Mother: Yes, then you can find me a nice Christian station to watch.

Me: ...oh help me god...

Insane Mother: What's that? I can't hear you!


Seriously. God? Buddha? Mohammad? Anyone?


Got Prozac?

Her plane didn't arrive til 1 AM.
I didn't get to bed til 1:45 AM.
She managed to piss me off 2 minutes after she entered my house.

I had to be at work today at 6:30 AM.
I'm tired.
She's roaming my house. ALONE. Right this very moment.
Filling it with her evil wrinkledness.

This does not please the Kat.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Hide Me!

Phone conversation yesterday at work:

*ring ring*

Me: Hello?

Coworker: I've got your Mom on the phone.

Me: God help me...*sigh* OK. Transfer her to me.

Mom: Hello?

Me: Hi Mom

Mom: Hi! I'm flying into Portland tomorrow at 11:55pm. Can you pick me up?

Me: Tomorrow?? At MIDNIGHT?

Mom: Yes. I got a really good deal on a flight.


Mom: Yes. I can ask Jodi to pick me up.

Me: Mom. She's half blind, crippled from a recent knee replacement.

Mom: Well yes...but her son can...

Me: No. He's traveling.

Mom: Well her daughter-in-law then...

Me: She's from Thialand and doesn't even have her green card yet.

Mom: Oh. Well...

Me: *sigh* Don't worry about it, I'll pick you up.

Mom: Oh I just knew you would. (inject perky Mom ooze sound here)

Me: How long are you staying?

Mom: Oh well, we'll see.

(god help me. That means longer than a week)

Me: Just tell me. How long are you planning to stay?

Mom: Well you see...I'm moving out of this place by May so I have to be back then to pick the colors of my new place...

Me: May? So you're staying a month?

Mom: Well we'll see...

Must. Remember. To. Breathe.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Weekend Grandness

This weekend was awesome, Folks.

We went and picked up my friend and her husband at the Portland Airport Thursday evening. Let me tell was so wonderful to finally see and hug the person, who's life I've shared for 6 years over the computer and phone. SIX YEARS!

She fit exactly into the image I had of her in my minds eye. The bonus was that her husband was just as awesome and he and my man hit it off wonderfully. They were inseparable all weekend. Heads together, yakking for hours. That was an added unexpected niceness!

My friend and I didn't talk over much. We spent a lot of the time just relaxing in each others company like we had been around each other forever. I was asked, at one point, if my friend and I had caught up on all the girl conversation. I laughed and said that we've spent the last 6 years talking to each other every day over the computer and phone that we didn't have any "talking" to catch up on!

We got together with all our local friends in one big weekend party. Everyone loved them and they fit into the group perfectly.

We got up early and set them off on the plane back to New Jersey, Sunday morning. We stood outside the security lines and waved until we couldn't see them anymore. *sigh* It's so hard to think of them all the way back across the United States from us now.

Airplanes do make things convenient for visiting, but with kids and jobs and life in general...I don't know when the next time will be that I get to hug my friend again.

It is nice that now when I talk about various friends by name to her and places that we spend time at, she will now be able to picture what I am talking about.

Gooooood times, Folks. Good times.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Humpday News

Today, I bring to you: News of Snuggling Spiders!

That's right.

Spiders. That. Snuggle.

Click here to read about this wrongness.

That's all I've got.

Happy Humpday, People!

Monday, March 19, 2007

Shades of Haphazardkat

Iron Scars

She sat on the wooden bench. Her designated seat at the family table. She was five. Her blond hair twisted into braids, their ends decorated with colored beads, she stared intently at her Mother with somber eyes as she heard, once again, the story of how she came to live with this family.

"I had pain in my stomach and went to the doctor. I was told I had an infection in my tubes and would never be able to give birth to children. I remember riding the bus home in a daze then sobbing as I told my husband that I was incapable of having children. He surprised me. A man of few words, he shrugged at my horrible news and said, "We can adopt children." Then he left for work.

I felt a great weight lift from me. Yes! We could adopt children! I called the Children's Aid Society the next day and asked about adopting a baby boy. A few months later we brought our first son home. He was adorable with his little red tuft of hair.

Two years later we applied to adopt another baby boy. There was some problem and we had to really struggle to get another baby. I called the Children's Aid Society every day for a year until they finally caved and gave us another baby boy.

Two years after that we applied to adopt a baby girl and shortly after, brought her home. We moved after that from Canada to California. And I set about applying for another baby girl. I wanted two boys and two girls. My husband did not. He said that three children was enough. He didn't want four but I was determined to have my two boys and two girls.

We argued but I won and applied for the adoption of a baby girl. When the call came to pick up our new baby, my husband refused to go so I packed up the rest of the kids and we went to the Welfare agency to pick up the new baby. And that was you!

I brought you home, so excited to finally have my two boys and two girls. But, your Father didn't want anything to do with you.

She smiled a brittle cruel smile over at the little girl who sat beside her. He never has you know. He's never wanted you. Wants nothing to do with you.

The girl sat quietly, forcing her small features into a passive, unflinching, blank look. She felt her Mother's eyes rove over her face looking for a chink, a sign of vulnerability that she could pounce on. An excuse to tease her for caring. For being weak. She kept her features carefully frozen until her Mother, bored with her mind game moved on to another subject.

The little girl said nothing. She kept the secrets, she had stored up in her short five years of life, carefully inside. The news that her Father didn't want her was something she already knew. She knew it from the time she was three and her Mother first forced her Father to take her with him for the day. She had listened quietly as they fought. Then made herself small in his car as he angrily drove with her to some place he had to go. She lay obediently behind the back seat of his car when he explained that he didn't want her to go with him to where he had to be so he wanted her to hide underneath the blanket while he was gone.

She hid patiently for hours but grew hot beneath the blanket and curiosity got the best of her so she dared to peek from under the blanket and out the window for her Father. Daylight disappeared and the darkness of night approached but no sign of her Father. Suddenly a Policeman tapped on the window. It scared the little girl. Her heart beat frantically. Her Father would be furious with her. He had told her to hide. To stay under the blanket so no one could see her! The Policeman tapped on the window again and motioned for her to roll it down for him. What to do? He was a Policeman but her Father had said...

The Policeman had kind eyes and the little girl was so tired and lonely in that hot car. She timidly rolled the window down and the Policeman reached in and opened the door. He smelled of peppermint and kindness as he pulled her gently into his big arms and carried her to his car. The ride was a blur but the car was warm and filled with the comfort of the big man.

Two Police ladies placed the little girl in a high chair at the Police house and fed her peanut butter crackers and milk. The little girl was a bit embarrassed at being in the high chair. She was three. Certainly too big for a baby chair. But she didn't speak of her embarrassment. The ladies were nice and she didn't want to make them angry with her.

She sat on the floor playing with a mound of toys the kind police people had arranged for her when she heard the large voice of the big Policeman, who's car she had rode in, raise his voice in anger at someone. She froze, mid play and listened as she heard her Father's voice mingle in with the big man. The swinging door flew open and her Father stepped in and yanked her from the floor and into his arms and strode out of the Police house while the kind Policewomen and the big Policeman looked on with grim faces.

Her Father drove home in silence. The little girl didn't dare utter a word. She could feel her Fathers anger and displeasure with her for getting him in trouble. They arrived home and he deposited her with her Mother and disappeared. The little girl shook, sure that she would be punished for angering her Father. Dressed in PJ's and deposited in bed, she puzzled but remained silent at the escape from punishment.

A year passed. Her Father ignored her and the little girl remained quiet and out of his way til one day her Mother decided to make him take her with the other kids on his regular fishing trip.

She listened quietly as they fought then slid like a shadow in between her siblings in her Father's car as they drove to his favorite fishing place. She played quietly but happily in the sand while watching him teach her brothers and sister how to cast the big fishing pole lines into the river. There was much happiness and excitement as her older brother dragged in his first big fish. A Salmon almost the size of the little girl. She giggled with happiness watching her brother pose proudly with the big fish while her Father snapped a picture of the moment.

A while later they packed their stuff and headed to her Father's car. The little girl walked behind her siblings and Father and did not pay particular attention as they suddenly huddled together whispering and laughing quietly then shot her a fervent look and ran to pile into the car. She puzzled as to why they shut the doors of the car without her inside then watched horrified as her Father drove off without her.

She ran after the car calling out, "You forgot me!" She saw her Father realize his mistake as he pulled the car to the side of the road and wait for her. Relieved, she ran to the car and reached for the door. She saw flashes of her siblings laughing faces and her Fathers as the handle of the door was wrenched from her hand as they drove off without her.

Terrified she ran after the car again. Again it pulled over and waited for her only to zoom away as soon as she got to the door. She was little and stupid and didn't realize it was a game until the third time. She stood and watched the car drive away, once again, then sat calmly down on the side of the road and refused to run again. She watched as her Father's car pulled over once more. But this time she did not run. She sat quietly and waited. They rolled down the windows and yelled for her to come to the car. She continued to sit. The door of the car opened and her sister ran out and grabbed her arm, yanking her towards the car. She sat quietly while her Father shot her a disgusted, angry look and her siblings mocked her for crying and laughed at her running after the car.

She said nothing to her Mother when they got home but she was never asked or made to go on another fishing trip with her siblings and Father.

The little girl sat on the bench in the kitchen by the Family table and traced a finger on the cheap plastic tablecloth while listening to her Mother talk.

"He didn't want you. Never has. Wants nothing to do with you."

"I know." She whispered inside herself. "I know."

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Weekend Happenings

I'm sore, Folks.

I spent my entire weekend cleaning and fixing up my yard.
New flower beds. YAY!
Dusted off and set up the lawn furniture. Come on SUMMER! WOO!!
Blew 500lbs of old, rotting leaves off decks and grass. Wow. Did not realize what a job THAT was going to turn out to be...
And, did the first mow job of the Season.

Nothing says Spring! like the smell of fresh cut grass.
Sniffffffffff. Ahhhhhh.

Bring on Summer.


Daily *Snort*

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

A Writer's Creed

I wrote this awhile back and have it posted where I can read it to myself every day.
It is my writer's creed to myself.


In my minds eye I created a dream.
With the tap of my fingers on charcoal colored keys I give it life.
Composed, compiled, nestled in an orange mailing envelope, I will give it wings.

Fear is not acceptable. It will no longer be tolerated. Today I break the vines that I have allowed to grow unchecked and have all but smothered me with their growth.

Today I say, I will no longer sit on the side of life and dream.
Today I will start the birthing process to another life. To the life I was meant to live.
A beginning of the person I was created to be; a speck of energy in this vast dark world. I will spin and force a gravitational pull of my own.

When I was 18, I read a book that changed my life. Louis L'Amour, "The Walking Drum". A writers seed was born that day. It lay inside me burying its roots deep into my soul. I walked the back trail of the college and whispered a loud the first breath of the dream. "I wish to be a writer"

This wish has never changed. It only grows stronger as the years pass. It lies like a cancer inside me; eating at me. Demanding I put my hands to use and spill out the words trapped inside me. It is no longer a choice. In order to live I have to write. It has become the single thought of my life.

Copyright 2007 © All Rights Reserved.


Six years ago I made a friend online through a chatroom we used to hang in. She heard me talking about my son and private messaged me about her Autistic daughter and how my son sounded the same.

We bonded instantly and there has not been more then 2 consecutive days since then that have gone by without us talking to each other.

I consider her my best friend. We've been through everything together. My divorce, her torment on deciding to leave her job to be with her kids, her "oops" pregnancy which brought us (another) beautiful little boy who runs her ragged :)

You name it. We've gone through it. Six years of living shared through chat, emails and phone calls. Laughter, tears, dreams.

Next Thursday, as a gift to me, my Man is flying my friend and her husband from New Jersey to spend the weekend with me here in Washington State. We're excited, scared, nervous, exhilerated...I don't think there are enough Adjectives to describe all we are feeling!!

I'm filled with anticipation and it's making the clock drip seconds in slow motion.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

He Ain't Heavy--He's MiniWarrior's Bruthah!

Introducing MiniWarrior's new brother!

Monday, March 12, 2007

Daily *Snort*

Conversation between co-workers and I by the Communal Coffee Pot:

Me: Man, it's freakin' HOT in here!

Co-Worker 1: *gripping brimming full coffee pot to pour himself a cup* Yeah it's pretty warm in here.

Me: I might have dripped a few sweat drops into the coffee pot...

Co-Worker 1: Ha ha! Salty coffee!

Co-Worker 2: Nah, Kat's sweat isn't tastes like flowers.


Me: Dude, Yer freakin' me out!

Ah've Got's Ah Fevah!

ARGH! I've got a bad case of Spring Fever!

Yesterday it was 68 degrees out, people. SIXTY-EIGHT! And I was trapped in doors working.


There's something just so wrong about that.

Thursday, March 08, 2007


After helping MiniWarrior beat a particularly difficult level on his Lego Star Wars game.

"You know, Mom. For a 41 year old, you're pretty good at this game."

Trapped In A House Of Sickness

6:30 AM: My bed shakes and the covers are ripped from my warm sleepy body as MiniWarrior crawls into my bed greeting me with a "Hack" and a "Wheeze".

7:00 AM: Calls made to school attendance and bus barn to inform them MiniWarrior would not be in attendance today. Was that a hiss of relief I heard? I stare at the phone with suspicious eyes blurred with sleep.

7:30 AM: One Raspberry Jelly filled donut, Juice, and yogurt consumed MiniWarrior's moves onto battling Count Duku in the Lego Star Wars Video game.

9:00 AM: I'm upstairs chatting with a girlfriend on messenger while Guido-the-cat snoozes peacefully at the top of the stairs.

9:05 AM: Guido rolls over in his sleep and plummets down the stairs with a squawk and frantic clawing at the carpet.

9:10 AM: Guido is once again ensconced at top of stairs eyeing me balefully, plotting some kind of feline revenge for my laughter at his expense.

10:00 AM: I am spurred on to make first pot of coffee by 9 yr old MiniWarrior going through caffeine withdrawals. (who's idea was it to feed this kid coffee?? Makes note: blame on Ex.)

12:00 PM: Pay kid back for 6:30 AM wake-up by making him go out and get the Mail from the Mailbox dressed in footie PJ's wearing my Mary Jane shoes. hehehe. Mom power, rules.

1:00 PM: MiniWarrior has put himself in auto pilot whine mode. Toys litter the house and Dora Dora is playing on the TV. (make note: if I hear "backpack backpack" one more friggen time...I cannot be held responsible for mayhem that will follow...)

The day is only half over.


MiniWarrior + One

As of yesterday, MiniWarrior has a brand new 9lb brother!
His Dad's wife is the bringer of new life and we are all very excited.

Quite a difference a year has made in his life. MiniWarrior's gone from 8 years of being an only child to aquiring a brother and a sister through his Dad's marriage and now another brand new brother has joined our collective families.

My ex has 4 kids now. I can't help but hum the Brady Bunch song when I knock on his door to pick up MiniWarrior. LoL It's quite the busy household!

MiniWarrior and I won't go see the baby til sometime tomorrow. We are both currently down with bad colds. I can't wait to see the baby though. I wonder if he'll look like MiniWarrior?

Tuesday, March 06, 2007


I'm feeling a bit discombobulated tonight.
I'm at work, my final night of the Graveyard shift. I've acquired 5 hours of sleep and I'm hopped up on cold medicine (which doesn't seem to be working too well as the right side of my face has a perpetual leak)
I find myself struggling to remember what day it is. These past 3 nights/days have run together into a blur of sleep and work.
I miss human contact.
I miss MiniWarrior and my Man.
It feels like weeks since I've seen them.
9 more hours to go.


Monday, March 05, 2007

Nocturnal Kat

I'm working the Graveyard shift this week for a coworker (who's on vacation). It's strange to stand by the windows, on my break at work, and look out upon a sleeping city.