Thursday, July 19, 2007

UpRooted Kat and MiniWarrior

I came home last night to find a letter from my property management.
Apparently the house I am renting is going up for sale and they will begin showing it August 1st.

So. MiniWarrior and I must begin the quest for new living quarters.

This isn't such a horrible thing. It happens when one rents instead of owns a house. Thats not what has me down.

What has me down is bigger. Much bigger than "shifting houses".

What has me down, feeling hopeless, is the person MiniWarrior and I love, doesn't want to live with us. Be a family with us. Share a home with us.

There has been excuses about where we live. That the housing arrangement wasn't condusive to needs. I've worked overtime to try and work things out to change that. To meet everyones needs. You'd think I'd have learned by now that one can tear their heart out working towards a goal with no end result because it takes two to want that same goal.

When did I become so pathetic that I've resorted to pleading with someone to share my life with me?

This isn't about money or the walls that form the home MiniWarrior and I will live in.

This is about family. About melding lives together because people love each other and can't imagine living without each other.

I've known that I've been working towards a goal that is hopeless. I could see it months ago. I've cried so many stupid tears over that fact I'm sick of myself.

Where do MiniWarrior and I go from here?

The one we love said, "Why are you so down, can't you just get another house?"

I swear I heard something break inside me.


Anonymous said...

Oh dear Kat - I am so saddened.... you are right - the four walls don't really make all that much difference..... its the home that exists where the heart is...

You all seem so happy together - it is hard for this dragon to understand the mind of the male of the species oftentimes..... does he have an actual REASON for his actions or lack thereof? or just a plethora of excuses?
I have learned that it is better to be alone with ones children than to live where the heart is not.
(Pats small Kat on head and scritches ears and chin.... )
Feel free to slink neath the dragons wings for a respite from the world if you so desire......

Anonymous said...

ps........that was your heart you heard breaking....... a sound i am intimately familiar with.... and nothing will heal that except time.
the other dragon again

Damselfly Lady said...

I did not get married until I was 40 years old. I decided to wait for the right man, I was much happier beening alone then settling for someone who just didn't fit.

I loved myself...everyone has to. I deserved better than settling for Mr. okay for right now. You do too. Hang in there. When you least expect it. I know you get tired of waiting.

Wiz's Wench said...

I beg Wiz on a regular basis to have a life with me...apparently I have no shame. It's terrible when you love someone so much that it actually makes you ache.

But after two years, I'm beginning to see that Wiz will never be mine. Look around Kat...there's someone out there who will adore you. It won't be the same, but requited love is a whole lot better than un.

wiz's wench

Laoch of Chicago said...

Very disheartening.

I hope that you will find someone to share your life with that will find the very idea of being separated from you to be just too hard to bear.

Maybe it is time to start sending resumes to firms in other West Coast cities and see if you can make a clean break and start anew?

Sue said...

This is most unfortunate... I don't know you, but I wish to extend a warm, affectionate hug. *hugs you and miniwarrior*

Mrs.X said...

Damn. It always burns to love someone and not have them love you as much. It leaves you more vulnerable than anyone would really be comfortable with.

I'm so sorry ((Kat))

Cindy said...

Oh Kat!
We don't really know eachother but I wish I could give you the biggest warmest hug.....(((hug)))
My girl and I just had a simular conertation not a hour ago...I have spent way too many years loving, waiting for and finally pleading with the other half of my heart to really share our lives, and it never happened.
I finally let let him go once and for all a few days ago, bt tonight when I told my girl is when I cried for the loss.
I hope you are able to work things out.
Take care

Anonymous said...

Hey, up till now it's seemed you've been happy together. As far as I can tell, you have been sharing your lives - just not in the same home. I know you want more than that, but maybe he wants more time. Or, to slowly work up to that. There can be a lot of love without a shared home.

Sending a hug your way!

Anonymous said...

By the way, good luck on your search for a new place.

kay said...

One door closes, a window opens, blah, blah, blah.

I don't necessarily believe it happens when WE want it to, but eventually, it does.

I'm sorry for your feel-bads, my friend, and I know things will look up.

(I know this because I already peeked ahead. I can't stand ANY suspense in my life.)

And I know you'll try to keep the mini-warrior close to his dad. Good for you.

Aafrica said...

o Kat, i know just what you mean!

by now i've learned (and also learned to accept) that some people are more solitary (and perhaps more independent as well?) than others.

i hope the situation resolves to the benefit of all three of you. and ... call me nosy, i'd like to know all the happenings.