Continuation of Dreams

It's been asked of me to continue on with the story of what happened after I found and met my Birth Mother.
The biggest question seems to be, "Did it turn out, well?"

Breath deeply the sigh of relief. It's been 14 years since I first hugged my Birth Mother. 14 years where whenever I receive an email, chat with her online, hear her voice over my telephone or watch the way she moves when she speaks to me face to face, my heart does that strange little twist of happiness. You know the one where you peek in and look upon your child sleeping at night? It's still so magical to me. I love her dearly.

When we first met she gave to me a picture she had carried of my Birth Father and told me his name. She thought she heard that his family had moved back to Oklahoma but she knew no other details.

I looked up directory assistance in Oklahoma for his last name. There were two listed. One of the numbers listed was the same name as the boss I was currently working for. My friend and I laughed at that and decided to call this number. I had my friend do it as I was too chicken. It was terrifying to me to think of suddenly talking to my Birth Father.

She laughingly dialed the number and when the woman came on the line, my friend asked to speak to, Nathan. My Birth Fathers name. I watched her face go pale as she shoved the phone at me. "It's HIM!" She squeaked and I immediately began to hyperventilate. I held the receiver out to her shaking and panting and chanting over and over to her to "please PLEASE talk to him for me as I was too freaked out!"

She saw the panic on my face and took the receiver. I slumped to the floor as she talked to him. I heard her ask him if he knew my Birth Mother. My head was making a loud buzzing noise and my heart felt like it was going to pound right out of my chest. Yes. He knew her.

She talked for a tiny bit then gently handed the phone to me whispering that Nathan was asking to speak to me. I got on the phone and was greeted by a smokey southern influenced voice. He told me how amazed he was as he had just been talking to his wife about me. How he wondered what had become of me, if I was OK. If I was healthy, happy. I wanted to ask him a million different things but I couldn't make my mouth work correctly. He was a very warm and sweet man. So different then I had ever imagined.

I met his oldest sister and her family on Thanksgiving that year. She was a very classy, sweet lady. Her family took me in and treated me warmly. She gave me an album of my Birth Father growing up. I so treasure that. She still writes me Christmas cards every year and catches me up with annual family things.

My Grandmother and Aunt flew out to see me shortly after Thanksgiving. My Aunt poked me and laughingly remarked how I'm built "just like their side of the family." My Grandmother was quiet but very sweet. She kept patting me in the way Grandmothers do.

My Birth Father wrote often how he was going to fly out and meet me. He never did. I suspect his wife had some influence there. It was his second wife and he was raising her kids. I think I caused some intimidation feelings there. She wrote me once politely but craftily asking me to back off from him. I did so immediately. It was never in my heart to interfere with my Birth Families life. I always went into my search with the defining lines of "no interference, no disruption." His letters to me slowly trickled to a stop.

Would I like to meet my Birth Father some day? Yes. It's not mandatory, but yes. It would be nice to once look into the eyes of the person I carry my genetic coding from. To look into those eyes and capture the essence of the man who helped create me.

Aafrica wrote a comment to me about growing up in China and one day coming to America and eating McDonald’s morning, noon and night. She wrote of her realizing her dream had happened when she was in graduate school (I assume munching the dream burger) It was what she wrote next that got me thinking. She wrote, "Then I needed a new dream."

She pinpointed what I have been feeling these past few weeks. So much of my life was dedicated to the dream of finding my Birth Mother. Now that I have...I've been wandering through life without any real dreams.

I have two. Two dreams that I hold inside myself. I guess I've just been putting them on hold. I guess I never realized that I could take them out and pursue them now that my main dream has been achieved.

I won't tell you what they are. I never spoke to anyone of my dream to find my Birth Mother. I always felt speaking of the dream made you lose a piece of its energy, its magic.

Wish me well, people. I am moving forth to conquering the next dream on my list.