Walborned!

I could feel it come on yesterday. The scratchy throat, the slight throb in the sinus'...the building cough. I wasn't surprised. Everyone around me has been sick.

So...I headed to the local pharmacy to purchase some ammo against the oncoming storm of sickness.

I'm perusing the sickie aisle. Thera-flu? hmm..no...good stuff but I'm not that sick. Vicks Cough and Cold? Nah...ain't coughin' much...yet.

A helpful lady came over and recommended Air-borne after I discussed my symptoms. "Lots of people are taking this at the first sign of sickness."


Eureka! Just what I needed. Except...there was a cheaper pharmacy version of it called Wal-borne. Hmmm...3 dollars cheaper! I snapped it off the shelf and slid it next to the Hello Kitty I had found in the toy section.

Hey! Stop your snickering!! She's sickie ammo!! Hmmph.

So, I get home and crack open the package of Wal-borne.

They were 10 large pills in a tube. They looked like those huge Vitamin C tablets you can chomp like candy.

I read the back of the box:

Great tasting dietary supplement.
Effervescent technology offers 100% immediate absorption.
Take at the first sign of cold symptom or in crowded places.
Effervescent Health Formula.
Antioxidants!
Amino Acids!
Electrolytes!
1000 mg of Vitamin C!
Seven Herbal Extracts!
Great Taste!
Sounds good! I shook one out of the tube and popped it into my mouth.
...
You know how they say "Whatever you do in life comes back to you?" --as in Karma payback??

The second that tablet hit my mouth, I was instantly transported back to my moment of karmetic (is that a word?) act.
It was the Fall of my 11th year. My friend, Nina and I were sitting beside our friend, Tim, in the front pew of his fathers church.
Times were strict back then. Children were not allowed to sit alone in church without an adult guardian beside them. We were allowed to sit alone because Tim's father was preaching and could keep a Reverend eyeball on us.

Remember Fizzies? Tablets that came in different flavors that you could plunk into a jug of water and create a sort of Kool-aid?

I had two Wild Cherry lifesavers and a Lime flavored Fizzy in my little pink church clutch. When Tim's father began the "boring" sermon...I reached inside my bag and handed Nina a lifesaver, popped the other one in my mouth..and handed Tim the Fizzy.

Seeing us slurping on our candy, he didn't think twice and with a grin of "thanks" he slid that Fizzy into his mouth and chomped down with gusto.

I stared straight ahead at the podium where his father was preaching, with a (much practiced) innocent look on my face while Tim began to make muffled gagging noises and squirm beside me.

Tim's father looked sternly down at his squirming son.

I slid a peripheral look at Tim and could see green foam oozing from the sides of his mouth.
There was an awkward few seconds of silence while the Preacher stared at Tim in puzzlement.
I could feel hysterical laughter build inside me--I bit hard on the inside of my cheeks to keep from blowing my innocent look.
The Preacher speared Tim with a parental look of "you are so going to get it when you're home" lifted his hand and pointed to the back of the Church.
With green foam dripping off his chin, Tim lunged off the pew and ran.

The Preacher looked sternly down at Nina and I. I blinked innocently back up at him. He continued his sermon.

For 29 years that Green Fizzy Karma had laid waiting. Biding its evil time.
As I hunched over my kitchen sink gagging and spewing orange flavored foam...I thought of Tim...and wondered if he was somewhere out there in this crazy Karma revenge world--spontaneously laughing--and wondering why.

P.s. Moral of the story? Put the &%#! tablets in a glass of water!!